What instructions should I leave behind for my children’s guardian in the event of my death?
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Mary Martin
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Mary Martin has been a legal writer and editor for over 20 years, responsible for ensuring that content is straightforward, correct, and helpful for the consumer. In addition, she worked on writing monthly newsletter columns for media, lawyers, and consumers. Ms. Martin also has experience with internal staff and HR operations. Mary was employed for almost 30 years by the nationwide legal publi...
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UPDATED: Jul 18, 2023
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UPDATED: Jul 18, 2023
It’s all about you. We want to help you make the right legal decisions.
We strive to help you make confident insurance and legal decisions. Finding trusted and reliable insurance quotes and legal advice should be easy. This doesn’t influence our content. Our opinions are our own.
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Determining a guardian for your children can be a difficult decision. Your children’s guardian will have the authority to make or influence all parental decisions for your children including where they live, the schools they attend, church practices, and more. Making preparations and instructions in advance can ease the transition for those you and/or your spouse leave behind.
Writing a Letter to Your Children
You may not be there to say goodbye, but you can leave a letter behind for each of your children that does just that. Cover everything that you wish to communicate to your children in this letter such as how much you love them, how much you miss them, and if you are religious, where you are. If you have any life advice for you children, offer it in the letter. This letter can either be evergreen, meaning that it is meant to last their entire childhood, or it can be specific to their age. If the letter is specific to their age, then you may wish to re-write the letter yearly. This letter is known as a “codicil” to your will, and should be attached directly to the will document.
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Instructions to the Guardian Regarding Daily Routine
The next codicil you include can be an itemized list of your intentions for each child’s daily routine. Make this list similar to one that you would give a babysitter. Be sure to include any of your children’s special activities. If the children are home schooled, mention the course order and length. Describing bedtime routines may be especially important for younger children. As with the age-specific letter, the daily routine document should be updated and re-integrated into your will annually.
Instructions to The Guardian Regarding Familiar Items
Whether it’s an attachment item such as a blanket, or songs they love, or their favorite recipes, make sure that the children’s guardian is aware of these items and their location. Encourage the guardian to go to your home and collect the items before relocating with the children.
Future Advice to the Guardian
A new guardian is going to be as overwhelmed as your children at your loss. Consider writing them a letter as well offering them encouragement and overall advice on how you wish your children to be raised, including requests regarding religious traditions and schooling.
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How to Utilize a Trust for Your Children
One tool for ensuring certain expectations or requirements for your children is a trust. It would be managed by a trustee, not the guardian, and ensure that money is provided only for the activities specified in it. For example, if you want your children to attend a certain type of college, specify this expectation in the trust documents so that the trustee encourages the necessary decisions and actions on the part of the guardian. If you want to bless your child with a lovely wedding someday, create a reserve clause in the trust for wedding expenses.
Leaving behind instructions for guardians is an important process and one that takes time. However, it is the best decision you can make for your children. If you are unsure how to incorporate the instructions, consult with an estate planning attorney for helpful advice and ideas.
Case Studies: Instructions for Children’s Guardian in the Event of Parental Death
Case Study 1: Sarah’s Heartfelt Letter
Sarah, a loving mother of two, knew the importance of leaving behind a lasting message for her children. In her letter, she expressed her unconditional love, shared cherished memories, and offered guidance for their future. The letter, attached to her will, provided comfort to her children, assuring them of her everlasting presence and providing them with valuable life advice as they grew older.
Case Study 2: John’s Daily Routine Guide
As a single father, John wanted to ensure a smooth transition for his children in the event of his untimely passing. He meticulously documented their daily routines, including waking up and bedtime schedules, meals, school activities, and extracurricular commitments. John updated this document annually to reflect any changes in his children’s routines, ensuring their guardian had all the necessary information to provide stability and consistency.
Case Study 3: Amanda’s Treasured Items
Amanda, a devoted mother, wanted to ensure her children’s guardian knew the importance of certain sentimental items. She compiled a list of her children’s favorite toys, books, and personal belongings, highlighting their significance and providing instructions on their storage and preservation. Amanda’s thoughtfulness ensured that her children’s emotional well-being would be supported by the presence of these familiar items during a challenging time.
Case Study 4: Michael’s Guardian Advice
Knowing that the transition to a new guardian would be overwhelming for his children, Michael wrote a heartfelt letter to the appointed guardian. In the letter, he offered encouragement, shared his hopes and dreams for his children’s upbringing, and outlined his expectations regarding their religious practices and education. Michael’s thoughtful guidance provided the guardian with insight into his parenting philosophy, ensuring a continuation of his values and beliefs.
Case Study 5: Emily’s Trust for Future Security
Emily, a forward-thinking parent, wanted to ensure her children’s financial security and adherence to her wishes. She established a trust that appointed a trustee responsible for managing the children’s inheritance. Emily specified that funds should only be allocated for specific purposes, such as education, healthcare, and essential needs. By incorporating a reserve clause for future events like weddings, Emily ensured her children would be financially supported while honoring her intentions.
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Mary Martin
Published Legal Expert
Mary Martin has been a legal writer and editor for over 20 years, responsible for ensuring that content is straightforward, correct, and helpful for the consumer. In addition, she worked on writing monthly newsletter columns for media, lawyers, and consumers. Ms. Martin also has experience with internal staff and HR operations. Mary was employed for almost 30 years by the nationwide legal publi...
Published Legal Expert
Editorial Guidelines: We are a free online resource for anyone interested in learning more about legal topics and insurance. Our goal is to be an objective, third-party resource for everything legal and insurance related. We update our site regularly, and all content is reviewed by experts.