What to do if my 16 year old son has issues with going to see his father in another state?

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What to do if my 16 year old son has issues with going to see his father in another state?

I have done everything I can over the years to help with this relationship but his father and step-mother try to bully him. I have bent over backwards since my son was 4 to make sure his father got to get his visitation even after he moved away. My ex has not sent me any insurance information in over 6 years, he has never given me his change of address or phone number for contact my older daughter gave it to me him since he got married a couple of years ago. What can they do and can they bully him that is how they treat him into coming up there? What can I do? My ex is not a nice person and if not for his wife he would not care.

Asked on September 28, 2012 under Family Law, Florida

Answers:

B.H.F., Member, Texas State Bar / FreeAdvice Contributing Attorney

Answered 11 years ago | Contributor

You can petition the court to modify the visitation schedule.  You have a couple of good things going in your favor, but in the end, it will really be up to your son to speak up at the right time... considering that he is 16 years old.  He's still a kid, but he's old enough to say what he wants, what he doesn't want, and explain how he has been treated.  His desires are not controlling on the court, but the court can give them more weight considering his age.  Before you file, have him layout some specific examples to you... so that if asked, you can have concrete examples of what you are talking about.  You can also use the lack of insurance as leverage if you have been forced to bear the medical expenses for the last six years.  Essentially, the secondary part of the argument is that because you are having the added burden of providing medical coverage, it's expensive to get the child to dad who is refusing to comply with the whole support order. 

It seems like dad has even continued to bully you after the divorce.  This really is the time for you and your son to say "no" and take your lives back.  He doesn't get to call the shots-- the court does.  Neither you nor your son are required to "bend over backwards" for him.  Parenting is a right and a responsiblity.  If he wants the relationship to work with his son, then he needs to be the one doing a little bending to make things right.  Find a family law attorney that you feel comfortable with and see what you can get done before the holidays hit.  Talk to the family law attorney about options other than him physically staying with dad for extended periods of time.  Modern technology is a great help in that you can allow access (like through video chatting), without your son having to personally go to dad's house and be bullied.


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